Sanctimonious Sin

     Becoming a priest had not been my life's goal.
     How I ended up in this position was what Gramps would call "God's Will", and what I call a load of hokum. It didn't happen in the standard way. I didn't go to a school to learn about the bible and then get inducted into the faith. I didn't go through the rites of passage. I'm not even Catholic! All I did was save a little kid from a demon, big freaking deal.
     I did it all the time before anyone took notice. The woman who did, Evangeline Morris, ended up being part of the FBI. And why the FBI really needed me to be a Jesuit Priest in order to conduct exorcisms, I haven't the foggiest idea. I was doing fine before the government came in to back me up, and now it's become a thousand times more difficult.
     You know what I have to do if I want to save a kid's soul? I have to properly fill out and file the paperwork first. Then, I'm supposed to wait three weeks for it to come back as accepted or rejected. Meanwhile, the demonspawn is free to run around causing mayhem and condemning the child's soul to an eternity in Hell. Bureaucracy in action.
     There's no one else out there like me. Not since Gramps died. The thing we are, or have as a skill, whatever it is, it comes down our family line. It skips a generation and nails some poor sucker like me with a "gift". A gift if today is opposite day and you actually mean "curse".
     At least I've got a steady job now, consulting with the FBI. The whole priest thing though? I don't think that's gonna last long.
--
     Another day, another dollar. And who is waiting for me but Evangeline!
     "Peter. You're late."
     "Sorry. Guess I just got lost in my prayers."
     She snorts but doesn't argue. We both know I wasn't praying, I never have before in my life, but she's the one who had me become a priest. She can't get onto me for prayer, too hypocritical. Instead, she moves on.
     "We have an adult. It's in the city, so we can drive over."
     "Wait, what?"
     "Well, I think there's another demon victim who we need to go see, Peter, or I wouldn't have called you," She says in a tone of voice implying she believes me to be a retarded child.
     "No, you said adult. I don't work with adults."
     "What? Why not?"
      "Too late to save their souls. Too much sin. I can't help them like the kids. The only way I can help is... No. I don't help adults."
     "Peter..." I know that tone she's using. The pleading kind of tone asking me to help. Wanting me to help. A favor. Personal. Needing. God must hate me.
     "Fine."
--
     The man lives in a pretty nice neighborhood, and I feel out of place. I didn't grow up in a bad place, but it wasn't fancy. It was a farm. Farms involve lots of animal shit. Shit isn't nice. Being at these houses surrounded by manicured lawns and overflowing flower pots... All I can see is a load of manure, far more than I ever saw on the farm. 
     I let Evangeline lead me, let her do all the talking. In my hands, two plastic grocery bags. Because saving the planet is for legitimate priests, and right now, I just don't care. The bags are filled with my supplies, what I need to complete this exorcism. Other agents are clustered around inside, whispering when I walk by. I know why. They're excited to see the freak in person, the guy who sees demons and gets rid of them. But it isn't a big deal, not usually. This time though... It's an adult, which means it's going to be so much worse than anything I've ever encountered. I've only cleansed a full grown adult once, and I had hoped I wouldn't ever have to do it again.
     "He's in here," Evangeline beckons me over to an open door, and I weave through the crowd of agents to get to her. Inside, the man is restrained on his dining room table as I requested, bound by chains so tight that he can't chafe himself with them because they don't allow movement for his spread eagle form.
     Walking in, I look at the woman I briefly considered partner, and wonder if she'll ever see me the same again after this. "No matter what it looks like or what you see, don't physically come in here until I open the door. You can watch, but you cannot enter."
     With that, I go in and make my preparations. Pulling out several round loafs of bread, I begin breaking them, placing hunks of it around the man's body, outlining him in a way. The spacing is important, has to be done with care and precision. Then, I pull out my giant sea salt container. Putting large piles of salt in between the bread hunks, I stow the remaining bread and salt away. The last thing I grab is a cheap bottle of wine that cost no more than five dollars. It doesn't need to be fancy for this to work.
      Looking at this man, I hate him instantly. He's roiling with oily darkness, sin, disgust. You don't accumulate that much sin on accident. I wish I could send his soul to Hell myself, but Evangeline asked me to help, so here I am. Putting my life on the line for a man who doesn't deserve a single prayer.
     I start at the feet, the base. Picking up a hunk of bread, I dribble the wine onto it, and then press it into the closest salt pile to the right, soaking the bread in alcohol and salt. Salt that is already stained black by that same oily sin oozing around the man. Putting the bread in my mouth, I chew slowly...swallow. It's already taking hold by the first bite. The man's sin is being drawn to me, interested in me now. The man's mouth opens, the demon cackling in delight, thinking it has a new toy and not realizing what I'm doing. I repeat my previous action, and work my way around his body, eating his sin. When the demon realizes, it wails and screams and curses. But he is restrained, and I eat his sin.
     It's horrible. A knowledge that your body is filled with something you don't want, something you didn't ask for. To know your own soul has a chance of being damned if this doesn't work. I finish the outline. I eat the last hunk of bread.
     No more traces of oily roiling black are in his body, the demon forced out of him by purity. This is why children are so much easier. They are, for the most part, innocent. Any sin they have in them is due to their parents, the sin spreading to them like an infection. It's easy to force a demon out then, purity readily reasserting itself. Now, in this case, my body is full of his sin.
     I limp back to the door, my body already breaking under the strain of his failures and inadequacies. I open it and Evangeline stares at me, fear in her eyes. I blink, hoping the demon red I'm sure must have filled my own eyes goes away. I open them again and her fear is somewhat diminished.
     "Where's the bathroom?" I croak.
     "Down the hall, to the left..." Her voice is shaking slightly. Worried. I don't care. Can't care. Too much sin infesting me. Moving past her, I barely get the lid of the toilet up before I lose it. It all pours out of my mouth, down into the sewers. My body heaves, all of it painful, so painful. Eventually, I am empty.
     I rest my arms on the rim of it, and rest my head on them.
     "What was that?" Evangeline is standing in the doorway looking at me.
     "I ate his sin."
     "What?"
     "This is what I am Evangeline. A sin eater."